"Realize now that when your heart breaks you have to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That is there to remind you that somewhere out there something is better and that something is worth fighting for."
Break ups. That shit's rough. I wish I had something more elegant to say. My insides feel like they're numb but hey, I'm breathing. I don't feel bitter or vengeful like I thought I would. I really don't think it's right to end something five years in the making with a, "I just really don't love you anymore," but that's just another thing on the list I don't think is right about this.
I told myself if I could make it through last night I would be okay. And I did. I spent last night with good friends, Papa John's AND Taco Bell (no shame), and a Sex in the City marathon I watched until I thought my eyes would bleed. I didn't hardly cry and I don't know why. But I feel like I have cried the tears that I have left for John.
I think a lot of parts of me will always love him. He has been my high school sweetheart and, hell, I grew up being in love with the kid. And although I want him. I don't need him. And sometimes what you want and what you need in life are polar opposites. And it's gonna take some hurt to reach that realization.
Having your future planned with someone this young is basically never a good idea. Never let a boy put a ring on your hand before he's a man. It's hard to imagine all that we had planned simply just won't exist now but there is something SO entirely liberating about having a fresh start. And time to work on and love yourself without anothers emotions to support. Life is rough, but it keeps going. Keep you all posted.
-H
No comments:
Post a Comment